you call that skinny thing a weapon? I could sunder it by speaking too loudly!
bite my 50% miss chance
HEAD BUTT SNEAK ATTACK!
my vengeance shall be prolonged, diminutive cretin
stop oppressing my culture you ethnocentric bitch
apparently, getting your ass kicked is now a part of this complete breakfast
love is an epic-level challenge
of course, you kids today with your crazy internally-consistent skill systems. Back in my day, we just had Nonweapon Proficiencies and we liked them
sorry, haley, I can't hear you. I'm intentionally failing my Listen check
Not that it will stop them from slamming their respective heads into the brick wall of romantic futility.
"A paladin never compromises.""Does a paladin ever remove the stick from their ass?""No. It's a class feature."
This is to be expected from one who has trouble with the concept that other people deserve to exist.
By the Twelve Gods and in the name of Lord Shojo, I demand to know: Who removed the tag from this mattress?!?
Hey Sweet Thing, wanna hold my Rod of Lordly Might? If you push the right button, it might extend.
I took Craft Disturbing Mental Image as my feat last level.
Perfect! The Linear Guilde is practically synonymous with taking disproportionate revenge over quasi-imagined slights!
Belkar is a horrible, loathesome, supremely selfish creature who behaves contemptibly, laughs at the pain of others, has no manners whatsoever, and whose mental acuity would be compared unfavorably to that of a table. And yet I find I still prefer him to you.
I think I may owe the tables of the world an apology.
I just don't trust you enough to believe you lied.
Like an ideal gas, my power shall expand to fill the vessel in which it is contained.
And so begins another conversation that will test the encumbrance limit of my sanity.
I don't care. You're gonna suck it up and swallow your character development like an adult already.
Geez, they can research 9th level spells that stop time, but they can't put a dimmer switch on the sun?
Proof once again that we are the only adventurers for whom the letters "AD&D" stand for "Attention Deficit Disorder".
Truly, your wit has never been equaled. Surpassed, often, but never equaled.
Do I get to cause the death of any of the following: Miko, Miko's stupid horse, Roy, Vaarsuvius, or you?
Yes, you've certainly managed to cunningly outsmart yourself at the very least.
You know, that would have been a lot less ominous if he wasn't carrying a stepladder...
Support for my theory continues to accrue at an alarming rate.
*sigh* Thog fears he will never again know the majesty of the gumdrop mountains.
I'm true neutral. I go both ways. -- That is so hot.
The mayor is so anxious for us to close this case, you'd think he put max ranks into Ride (My Ass) skill!
Did someone apply the half-moron template to your base creature?
Considering it was a cleric that did all the real work, you can bit my spell slots, meat shield.
Proof once more that you paladins have zero ranks in the Knowledge (What the Hell You're Talking About) skill.
I can't stay in prison. I don't know the gold-pice-to-cigarette exchange rate, and I don't have any ranks in Craft (shiv).
So there I was,with just three options: Fight, Run, or Item. -- No Magic? -- Nah, it was still the first half of the story.
"The Dashing Swordsman." I don't understand.
Wait. Am I saying all of this out loud? Crap, I am! Stupid speech impediment, I forgot how to use thought balloons!
Adding once again to the ever-growing roster of forces out there harboring vaguely-defined plans that involve our deaths?
My dignity may be at -9 hp and bleeding, but I have to draw the line somewhere.
Paranoia? I rule a city where I have to fake senility just to avoid being assassinated. I took Improved Paranoia like 5 levels ago.
I guess my prayers must have been very powerful, seeing as how they apparently cured you retroactively.
It's like she has that Monk class ability that lets you jump as far as you want, only for her, it applies to conclusions.
You're obviously not familiar with one of our key class abilities: Summon Conscience.
The ground will hungrily lap up the spilled blood of the righteous this unholy day!
Yeah, but for maximum effectiveness, he's be in the last palce we'd expect. -- Where's that? -- Don't know. I'm not done expecting other places yet.
Unholy crap!!
Thrice-cursed Spell Resistance! It's almost like the unierse is trying to deliberately force some form of arbitrary equality between those of us who can reshape matter with our thoughts and those who cannot.
You'll never take this city while I'm alive, monster! -- PRLURTCH! -- Terms accepted.
We need to get out of the spotlight, unless we want PC to stand for Pin Cushion.
Watch it, I think you stepped in cleric.
Well, what Xykon wants and what's a goof idea tend to diverge significantly.
thog always dreamed of being footstool, thog never thought dream come true. *sniff* it everything thog imagined and so much more.
"What about the ex-paladin, do we spring her?" "Honey, she snapped your neck!" "...I got better."
Goddam it, I forgot how much pain tends to hurt!
Sending spell for Redcloak: All I care about is the MacGuffin, and ours just blew up. Time to hit the road and find the next one.
"You can't leave!" "Tell that to my perfectly-muscled ass as it walks out the door."
Sorry, Scarface. Looks like one of us has an appointment with that thing's esophagus, and I nominate you, on account of you not being me.
Oh, V, now you're just being silly! If I let myself get hung up on only doing things that had any actual chance of success, I'd never do anything!
Ooooo, yes! And while your friends collect the seven magic spheres to wish you back to life, you can train with the secret mertial arts master who lives here in the afterlife!
This coming from someone who was just forced into a long-distance relationship with their own body.
EVIL (measured in kilonazis)
"Who does the green line represent?" "A hypothetical offspring of Cruella de Ville and Sauron. It's useful to have a baseline comparison for these things."
"Uh-oh, I may need to dumb down my puns." "The gods help us all."
I thought we had a quest that was special, but they're off having their deaths planned by some OTHER evil mastermind!
Don't fire until you see the eyes of their wights!
"Is that an acid-breathing shark?!?" "Yeah. They'll let any old hack wrie a sourcebook these days."
How should I know? An epic-level ranger couldn't track his thought process.
He has "Ignorance" as a class power source.
Yo mama's so fat, they use a grapefruit for her miniature.
Yo mama's so fat, she can't even see her own feats.
Yo mama's so fat, her Speed is listed as, "Hell no!"
*sigh* And once again, Probability proves itself willing to sneak into a back alley and service Drama as would a copper-piece harlot.
Your capacity for maternal disappointment has only just begun to reach its maximum potential.
...so I'm sorry this didn't work out, but look on the bright side: who knew you had a hidden talent for ornamenting lawns?
...oppurtunity is making a Strength check to break down my door.
"...Eugene." "Father." "Wow, I think I just took 10d6 cold damage floating between the two of you."Hello, girls. Since I know you can't see or hear me, I'm here to glare at you sternly in hopes of triggering subliminal feelings of guilt in you.
I don't want to die, I've only been in one strip so far!
Solve a man's problems with violence, help him for a day. Teach a man to solve his problems with violence, help him for a lifetime.
I don't know whether to be excited or worried. I think I'll go with "Whuh??"
Oh my gods, Yor, I swear, you do NOT need to keep shouting out your attacks! This isn't manga!
Bugsby's Expressive Single Digit!
So. Still unstylishly bearded, I see. Embrace change! Somewhere, deep inside you, there's a chin yearning to break free!
Guess what spell I cast before giving this to the bird.
WHUMPH! "Oh, right, I have to actually move my legs when I'm one this plane." "Don't worry, honey, I make that mistake ALL the time."
I require a reminder as to why raining arcane destruction is not an appropriate response to all of life's indignities. Quickly, please, before they are out of range.
I have been such a fool, and yet I have learned nothing! I still evoke first and make inquiries afterward!
Damn it, Elan, I just got all my old brain cells back! Please
If you are hearing this recorded illusion, the heuristic magic has determined that you are at least 90% likely to be Soon Kim--
You do remember logic, don't you? It's the part of your brain that weeps every time you kneel down and pray to a glorified petting zoo.
It seems like a reasonable response to me. As the size of an explosion increases, the number of social situations it is incapable of solving approaches zero.
I know all about paladins, trust me. All they do is tell you what you can't do. 'Don't walk on the grass, don't litter, don't rape the cycle of life with your unclean power.' Blah blah blah.
"Lesser Confusion!" "Variable-speed corn muffins!"
Stealth isn't exactly my strength. Strength is my strength.
I knew a guy whose cousin was hit by a rock thrown by a halfling. Three months later, he was eaten by a tiger!
Baby, I'm gonna sit on this spin until the room stops chairing.
"'mfine. Halflings may only be able to advance to level 8, but I've got Attack Rank G." "That boy got his ass knoacked back to Basic!"
"I think you look perfect, Haley." "And I think you blew your saving throw vs. bias, Elan...but thanks."
"She can FLY???" "Quite a stumper, isn't it?" "I should avoid casting any spells tonight, if only to give the laws of physics time to cry alone in the corner."
Really? I love surprises! Except for the ones where you lose your dodge bonuses. Those ones suck.
"Um, I don't mean to interrupt this heartfelt family reunion--" "I do! Stop talking to each other and service our curiosity!"
"Make peace with your god." "I can't! He's in my pocket!"
If you move, I will crush you the way that every word out of Elan's mouth crushes my spirit.
The chance of Elan succeeding at any given task is directly proportionate to how much effort he is expending on achieving its inverse.
"Gannji, I'm scared." "What, of that guy? He can't even get being a mammal right: he has no hair!"
Bugsby's Cat-Retrieving Hand!
"Where have you been?" "Taking the biggest dump since Elan assigned his Intelligence score. What's it to you?"
I really need to take the Endurance feat next time. Or the Rn feat. Those would both be solid choices.
Och, without tha succubus ta hold 'im up, tha lad's fallin' fast. Looks like I'll haf ta use tha old "Cleric's Feather Fall." *WHAM!!* Heal.